Forgiving Others
Forgiving Others
Forgiving others when we have been badly hurt or wronged can be one of the most challenging things on an emotional and spiritual level that we are called to do as people. Forgiveness is not easy for many of us, as it seems on the surface far simpler and much more straightforward to just get angry or hurt and to stay that way than it is to forgive. That is true whether the “injury” we received was minor or whether it has affected our entire lives and diminished our well-being permanently.
But the truth is that the one we hurt the most by not forgiving is ourselves. Just because you forgive someone for having wronged you doesn’t mean that you are now saying that what he or she did was acceptable. It also doesn’t mean that you have to change your mind about what your values are in life. What it does mean is that you are freer – because you are not dragging around pieces of your past with you. A refusal to forgive is a lot like a corrosive liquid in a bowl. Eventually if nothing changes, that corrosive liquid will eat through the bowl. Forgiveness is like diluting or even neutralizing that corrosiveness.
In short, forgiveness is for your sake, not for the sake of the person or persons that you are forgiving. You might think that the person or people who wronged you don’t deserve your forgiveness. That may be true, but even if so, then they deserve your mercy, and thus, your forgiveness. Again, it’s not for “their” sake that you should forgive; it’s for your health, happiness, and well-being.
A refusal to forgive is sometimes a method for being judgmental about someone; an “I’m better than you are” type of attitude. The truth of the matter of course is that although you might not have made the same mistake as the person you are judging, it’s possible that you actually might have, given the exact same circumstances, and/or you may have made differentmistakes which have caused just as much pain or damage as the one you are refusing to forgive someone for!
